I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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