weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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