you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
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