It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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