i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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