do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
