So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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