Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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