all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize