I CAN MOONWALK!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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