I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
