I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
