Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
