ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
