remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
