I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize