She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize