i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
