I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
