Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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