i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
