I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
