He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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