I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
