There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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