If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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