Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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