Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I will be naked everywhere
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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