I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
