I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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