FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
