he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize