Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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