Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
