rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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