Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And then my night got REAL pukey
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
