have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize