I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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