I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
pop tarts are not kleenex
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize