We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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