if i can run in heels then i can drive
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
