you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The Olympian is in my bed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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