does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
