oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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