Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
