I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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