The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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