Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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