I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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