I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
