I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
