Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
