Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
false alarm. still invincible.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
