The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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