Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
