It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
