I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
