last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
