Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
