I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize