I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
