He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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