We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
BRING THE BAGELS
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
