In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
