I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
