You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
