i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
