Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
